


Playing House

by falseari



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Arguing, Gen, Kid Fic, Siblings, Slice of Life, the kids using their powers to fight with one another, they are small and angry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27049621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falseari/pseuds/falseari
Summary: Number Three just wants to play house with her siblings.
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Diego Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, The Hargreeves Family
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	Playing House

“C’mon, Two, it’ll be fun!” 

“No, I wanna play s-s-superheroes!” 

“We _always_ play superheroes, it’s my turn to pick!” 

Number Three stares down her brother, matching his crossed-arms stance. They only have a little bit of time before training starts, and after days upon days of playing superheroes (which usually amounts to everyone trying to catch the villainous Five as he jumps around the house), Three has decided it would be fun to play house instead. 

“Why don’t we vote?” Six pipes up. His hands are rested over his stomach, probably trying to calm the Horrors down. They get a little antsy in high stress situations, like choosing which game to play for the day. 

“I vote house!” Three proclaims proudly, eyeing Number One to let him know he should follow suit. He does, but sounds a little embarrassed about it. 

Four and Six side with her as well, leaving a grumpy Two and Five as the only objectors. 

Three grins smugly. “I’m the mom!” 

Two huffs. “I’m only playing if I can be the d-dad,” he announces. 

“No, I’m the dad!” One argues. “I’m Number One!” 

“You can’t be Number One if you’re the d-d-dad,” Two insists, spitting out the last word. “Number One is a kid, the d-dad d-d-doesn’t have a number.” 

“I know, stupid, in the _game_ -” 

Two cuts him off. “I’m the d-d-dad,” he repeats, stubbornly. 

“You can’t even _say_ dad,” One taunts. 

Two fumes. “Can too!” He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. 

“D-” he starts, his forehead creasing. “D-d-” 

“D-d-d-d-” One mimics, dodging effortlessly as Two swings a fist at him. 

“Hey!” Four interrupts, waving his hands around. “Who’s gonna be the nanny? I think it should be Five. Wouldn’t Five make a good nanny?” Four beams as Five lists off a string of empty (but impressively vivid) threats of what he will do to Four should he ever make such an offensive suggestion again. 

“We don’t need a nanny, Four, I’m the mom, remember?” Three reminds him, poking a finger at her chest for good measure. 

“We don’t have a mom,” Six notes, while Four excitedly shares that he wants to be Pogo. 

Three sighs, exasperated. “We’re playing _normal_ house, not superhero house! House like in the movies!” 

“That’s stupid,” Five tells her, matter-of-factly. “They don’t even have powers!” 

Through gritted teeth, Three explains, “It’s pretend, Five. That’s why it’s fun!” 

“It’s pretend, and it’s stupid,” Five repeats. 

“Well it’s my game, so you have to play how I want!” Three yells. She feels her face getting hot with frustration. Leave it to her siblings to ruin everything. 

“Shh, Three,” Six whines quietly. “You’re gonna get us in trouble.” His fingers are curled in the fabric of his shirt, digging into his stomach. 

Three lowers her voice, not wanting her father to cut playtime short. She takes a deep breath, starting her game over. “I’m the mom, One is the dad, Four and Six are the twin babies, and Five is the teenager,” she instructs, daring anyone to challenge her. “Two can be the dog.” 

A spitball hits Three right between the eyes. She peels it off and hurls it back towards Two, who laughs when she misses him completely. She grabs a wooden coaster off one of the side tables and throws that at him too, but he simply curves it away from himself seconds before it hits his head. Following its new trajectory, the coaster smacks One right on the nose. 

Three tunes out One’s surprised shout and concentrates on Two, who’s getting a high-five from Four. “I heard -” she starts, but Two is paying closer attention than she’d thought. 

“La la la la la!” he screams, his fingers stuck in his ears. “I can’t hear y-you!” he taunts. 

Six glances at the doorway nervously, whispering something to Four. 

Before Three can do anything, One is behind Two, uncovering his ears and pulling his hands behind is back. 

“Hey, get off me! Ow, my shoulder!” 

“Now, Three, get him!” 

“I heard a rumor -” 

Two starts singing the ABC’s at the top of his lungs to drown her out. 

Three gets in his face. “I HEARD A RUMOR -” 

“Uh, guys? Guys!” Four whisper-shouts, holding on to Six with one hand and waving with the other. Three’s concentration breaks. 

The room goes silent as their father steps into view. One releases Two and stands at attention. Three sees a flash of something protrude from Six’s stomach, but he quickly covers it with his hand, squeezing his arms tighter around his torso. Four’s rubbing his back, not even paying Dad a passing glance. Five is nowhere to be seen, meaning he jumped once he heard footsteps. Traitor. 

Their father surveys them with the same flat expression he always wears. His gaze lands on Two, who’s rolling out his shoulder and glaring daggers at One. 

“Number Two, what is the rule for morning free time?” Dad asks coolly. 

“M-m-morning f-free time is qu-quiet f-f-free time,” Two answers. Three already knows what’s coming next. 

“Your enunciation is dreadful and unbecoming, Number Two,” their father states with a shake of his head. “Number One, what is the rule for morning free time?” 

“Morning free time is quiet free time, sir.” 

“That is the rule. Disappointing, then, that you could not manage to have your team follow it. I expect better leadership from you, Number One,” Dad admonishes, before addressing the rest of them. “Training will begin immediately. Free time is suspended for the week, since you all clearly can not handle the responsibility. Report to Pogo for further instruction.” He leaves the room, and the Hargreeves kids let out a collectively held breath. 

Three hangs her head in shame. Single-file, number-order, she marches towards the training grounds with her superhero siblings. Two steps on the back of One’s shoes on purpose, but One’s too defeated to take the bait. Five reappears, and Three calls him a coward. Five shrugs smugly. “Not really, just smarter than you.” 

On the way, they pass by Seven’s bedroom. Three can hear the music coming from that little toy xylophone she plays with all the time. 

She’s not jealous of Seven. Seven has no powers, which means Dad doesn’t love her. Not like he loves Three. Three’s room is bigger, and she gets presents, like magazines and dress up clothes. Three gets to play with her siblings and rumor the nannies into giving her extra dessert. Seven sits on a bed half the size of the one Three has and plays with the same toy every day. 

Still, Three is intrigued by the normalcy. She thinks she’d like to have both, if she could. Be special and normal. 

It’s a silly thought, like wishing for a pet unicorn. Three shrugs it out of her mind as Pogo welcomes them to their day of training.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is so short, i hadn't written anything in a while and wanted to get something put out. thank you for reading! :)


End file.
